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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My HUGE, MEGA MISHAP of the WEEK!



Dear Reader,

Have you ever had one of those days where you just wanted to press the rewind button?  Do they even have rewind buttons anymore?  Moving right along….I had one of those days yesterday.  What I wouldn’t give for a Delete button that would allow me to just wipe certain parts of the day from my mind’s hard drive permanently. My cheeks are still flushed red from the extreme embarrassment.  Being a single mom is difficult, and I don't have anyone to call when I get myself into these predicaments, so honestly my nerves are a bit shot and I remain a little stressed out even as I write this. I wish I could say what follows was exaggerated for laughs, but I assure you it's not. I hope that one day I will be able to look back and laugh at my single mom insanity.

My friend and dear sister Melissa came to visit us over the weekend. After an incredible time catching up and hanging out in Chicago, I was scheduled to take her to the airport yesterday so she could return home.

Her flight was leaving out of a city called Fort Wayne, which is located in a corn field that is still foreign land to me….Indiana. Well, my trusted navigation systems Mr. TOM TOM and my daughter’s friend Mr. Garmin didn't come through for me, and sure enough, we ended up in the middle of nowhere, and I have never seen so many dead end signs in my life.  I firmly believe that “Dead End” is Dept. Of Transportation code for “loser”.

Melissa was just rolling her eyes and laughing nervously, a dead giveaway as to exactly how deep the frustration needle was buried over the fact she was going to miss her flight and we were completely lost. 

Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, my daughter screams, "Mom, it says you have zero miles left!"  Not to our destination, but to an empty fueI tank.  I couldn't believe I had not filled up before I left. I remember telling myself I needed too, but didn't!  I was beyond frustrated, but for some reason I just couldn't stop laughing. I am well known for making mental sticky notes in my head and then not following through with them.  Or have you ever read a text message that someone sent you, and replied to it in your head, yet didn't actually text back? Well, I am famous for that.  Okay, maybe I am the only bizarre one that does this. I personally blame it on my busy single mom lifestyle instead of the color of my hair dye.  But I digress….

Now Melissa didn't find this predicament funny at all. She just started praying out loud, asking God to give us mercy and somehow rescue her from my stupidity.  I began to drive like a mad woman looking for a gas station, but just found myself going in circles.... to make a long story short here are the next crazy events that took place.

- We finally found the airport. Melissa was safely dropped off.
- The vehicle died….in the Delta Airlines Departure Zone…. and gently “tapped" a security vehicle. (OUCH!)
- I’ll never forget the officer asking “Ma’am, are all these kids yours?” If only you could’ve seen his face...priceless.
-Of course it is impossible for that many children to exit a Dodge Durango without creating a scene, not to mention walking around trying to get a taxi that would fit all of us!
-Once we found a taxi, we tried to cram all of us in the back! Which of course means another HUGE scene.  Pretty sure that was majorly illegal!  We are a two and three taxi family.
-Our taxi driver looked like he was on America’s Most Wanted. (Dear Taxi Driver, I apologize for my judgment) He told me how much he "loved kids," and how I could just leave them in the car while I went inside a gas station to purchase a gas can. YEAH RIGHT!! I "sweetly" told him... “Um, NO!!”
- So we made another scene as we piled out of the taxi car and headed into the gas station on our mission to obtain a gas can. Of course my girls are all matching wearing polka dots!  We looked like the circus had come to town!
-Once said gas can was purchased, we went to fill it up, but instead I ended up wearing most of it.
- Soooo, back into the taxi cab, with mama smelling like gas. I am holding two kids in my lap while juggling my purse and gas can. We of course made another scene because suddenly we had trouble fitting everyone back into the cab. Adding fuel to the fire, my normally well obedient children decided to pick this particular moment to start arguing with each other.  I finally just had to give them the, "I am about to go Pompeii” look, which is in every mother’s repertoire. My sweet son decided to drop a very fragrant "silent bomb" on all of us in the confines of the cab... by this time all I wanted was to be able to pinch myself and wake up from this nightmare of a day. Either that or crawl under the nearest rock. I’m not picky.
- Eventually my older kids decided to all work together and hold kids on their laps, and we were off to go fill up our vehicle and go home.
-We arrived at the airport and I paid the taxi driver (who decided to take financial advantage of me and my situation….of course you couldn’t blame him). I wasn't about to complain, I was just grateful to be back to the airport.
-So here we are piling out of the taxi cab... for the last time.  We walked over to our car, and I told the kids they had literally 10 seconds to get in the car, put their seat belts on, and keep quiet.
- I spent a good 2 minutes trying to figure out how to take the cap off of the gas can that I had put on. Ridiculous, yes, I know. Eventually I mastered the concept of righty-tighty, lefty-loosey, filled up the tank with two gallons of petro, drove to a gas station, and filled up properly.
-On the way home, we stopped at Chick-Fil-A and I let my kids order whatever they wanted... consider it a peace offering for my being so irritable! 

You may be wondering if there is a moral to this story, and there is…..several in fact…..

1). Turn down the "RIGHT" roads when traveling to unknown territory.
2). Be nice to your kids when stressed. SWEETNESS OR SILENCE!!
3). Don't throw your TOM TOM with an AUSTRALIAN accent out the window in a fit of frustration when it says REROUTING!!!
4). Put gas lid back on gas can when putting gas can back into vehicle!
5). PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!
6). When traveling for long periods of time, give your children "beano" or some kind of gas medicine.

No children, motorists, animals, luggage, automobiles, taxi drivers, gas station attendants, fast food employees, or adult siblings were harmed in the making of this post…..amazingly. And the stress points described herein have magically morphed into memories that I wouldn’t take a dollar and a quarter for.   Find the joy in the journey, especially when you feel hopelessly lost!  Happy Parenting!




































Monday, April 12, 2010

My Encounter with Batman


My Encounter with Batman

I have always had a love/hate relationship with bats.  I can handle spiders, lizards, bugs, rats, or any kind of critters, but bats literally freeze up all my moving parts.  

In our household we call bats...BATMAN. It’s a universal, one size fits all moniker.

Batman has come to visit us personally many times. I want to share with you my first encounter with Batman.  I had no idea that when I bought this gorgeous Victorian home, built in the 1800's, that we had encroached on Batman, his cousin Vinny, and all his relatives.  

I will never forget the first night I heard a screeching noise in my bathroom.  I woke up thinking it was my son Alex who is known for trying to sneak in bed with me at night…it's like a game to him.  He has this mental alarm clock that goes off at 3:00am and next thing I know, he is snuggled up to me the next morning.  So of course I thought this was another attempt to sneak into my bed.  I began to call out his name telling him he needed to get his little cutesy bumbosity out of my bathroom and go back to his own bed, and I remember telling him to wash his hands, assuming he was just using the restroom.

Well, I was wrong.  Next thing I know, Batman comes flying in my room.  He didn't even wash his hands.  This was the first time I had ever seen Batman and he looked like a little demon/ gargoyle/ rat with wings! I thought I was seriously going to die. I jumped out of my bed and screamed like I had just won a prize on the Ellen show.  I ran up to the stairs and could still see Batman flying frantically around my room.  Next thing I know another bat flew across my head.  We would later determine him to be Batman's cousin and name him Vinny.  As I ascended the stairs I was beside myself, shaking and still screaming.  I ran into my daughter’s room, jumped on her bed and threw the covers over my head.  Of course, my kids were all awake by, roused by my ridiculous screaming, and gathered around me trying to calm me down.  They of course were all perfectly fine, stroking my hand and trying to reassure me that this was just a bat and not a big deal.  Next thing I see, Victoria comes out dressed like she was going into battle.  She had put on our “Armor of God” plastic helmet, was carrying a plastic racket, and had a baseball bat in her other hand.  Of course the baseball bat was some silly plastic thing shaped as a carrot (don't ask).  She then loudly proclaims... "Mom, don't worry, I GOT THIS!"  Then she goes marching off to defeat Batman.  

Well, I am happy to report Batman, his cousin Vinny, sister Sally, Aunt Betty, wife Millie, and mistress Jezebel have all been defeated.  I of course am still a little traumatized by these unexpected nocturnal visits, and I still have a little trouble sleeping in my room now...ok, maybe not a little….a lot!  On more than one occasion, I have been rocking out the couch in the living room.  I know…pathetic, right?  I asked God the other day why is it that I can travel to the most dangerous countries, rescue lots of orphans, endure major persecution, and not be fearful.  Yet a little scrawny disgusting BAT has more of an effect on me. I might need some therapy.  

Batman has been officially banned from our household!!! :)

Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the LORD. – Psalm 31:24

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Confessions of a Former Foster Parent


Confessions of a Former Foster Parent

I was 20 years old and started calling my state to inquire about these government run shelters that I had heard about, and exactly what this "foster care" thing was all about.  I heard my state ranked number one in deaths due to child abuse, so I was deeply moved to get involved.  I was instantly turned away because my state required a certain age, and I wasn't old enough. I then began to research about foster care and was deeply moved. I watched many emotionally charged videos that were available online, and they brought me to tears. I stalked websites like Adoptuskids.org and began to print out pictures of kids who were awaiting adoptive homes, began to pray for these kids, and became their advocate.  

I visited the National Heart Gallery in my state and began to weep as I walked past these pictures of beautiful children all up for adoption.  I began to encourage everyone I knew to start fostering and adopting. Unfortunately, at the time I had only investigated one side of the foster care system, and didn't realize that for every foster child there were also two parents and an entire extended family attached to that child.  I was just young and ignorant and my heart was so burdened that I was moved to action.

The day did finally come, however. A Christian therapeutic foster agency said “YES”….to me! I was their youngest client. They allowed me to start taking the classes months before I was of legal age. The average age of all the other soon to be foster parents was 45, and I felt slightly ridiculous sitting through the classes looking like a foster kid myself!  

I sat through the grueling 40+ hours of training, did the fingerprints, CPR/ First Aid, attended all meetings, watched the videos, read the books, did the homework, and allowed these social workers to have a very nosey glimpse into my very personal young life. I followed every rule set before me, and I was determined to become a licensed foster parent.

The day finally happened - I became officially licensed, and I was the youngest licensed in my state.

Then the phone calls started, and I didn't turn down a single one. I didn't care if the child was 400 lbs, wet the bed, masturbated, and played with knives. My burden for the foster child was so great that I just wanted to turn it into action. Now I have so much to say on this topic, but because this is a blog and not a novel, let me skip forward a few years.

By the age of 26, I was finalizing my seventh adoption, and had fostered over 30 kids.  My home was constantly "overfilled."  I was the home that when caseworkers couldn't find placement…they called me.  I took kids in at all hours of the day or night. I started out fostering the teenage girls that no one wanted. I took in the kids with all the issues. I took in the kids that were victim to other foster parents disrupting their placements. I took in the kids that had tons of labels and their files were so thick with diagnoses. I took in the kids with juvenile records, and the ones that were chronic runners. I remember getting calls all the time that my new foster daughter was caught doing what I call now the Jason Derulo "talk dirty" on the bus ride home. I remember showing up for school scheduled IP meetings, and school officials thinking I was the foster sister, or that this was some kind of joke because I was so young. I was literally fostering children I couldn't possibly have given birth to, and that were just a few years younger than me.

I felt like at times it was the blind leading the blind. Other times I felt like it was the broken parenting the broken. Many times I felt like it was the kid parenting the kid, again because I was so young. Yes, I had many break throughs and victories.  I learned much and it truly changed me for the better. Fostering children was not a walk in the park. It was difficult.  It was like a marathon that I wasn't properly trained for.  I mean my 40+ hours of training never covered what I should do when your foster child locks you out of your own home, and then once you break in, they put you in a choke hold because they are twice your size! My 40+ hours of training never prepared me for how to clean up smeared poop, and how to properly dispose of your pet that was just killed by your foster child. I didn't know how to handle the fear of my teenage foster daughter who again was twice my size, who I thought might just be the twin sister of Emily Rose. There were many nights I slept in front of my foster kids’ and adopted kids’ door or on the couch to monitor bizarre behaviors, even while fostering recent hurt.  It was a lonely, silent hell for me fostering and adopting children with severe issues. 

Most of the kids I fostered all had severe trauma, PTSD, and depression issues. I remember getting these kids to a place of wholeness and good mental health, but then it seemed I would suffer from some kind of post adoption depression. I felt like the doctors needed to add on a few more initials to my already PTSD etc. I mean, fostering broken children is traumatizing....end of story! Now add on the letters "RADS" to a child, and this equals pure hell. Now if you have never fostered or adopted a RADS child, hang tight and check out my blog called "Dear RADS Child" that will pretty much explain the hell one goes through with parenting in this situation.

Now I am happy to announce that 90% of all the kids I fostered were reunified with either a family member or a biological parent! Yay! I mean this is supposed to be the goal, right? Doesn't Child Protective Services preach reunification?

I eventually switched out of my comfort -bubble -Christian therapeutic agency to regular state foster care. That's when I noticed so much that just wasn't right.  Too many things just didn't add up to me. I then took more of a behind the scenes role in adoption and foster care and that's when the other side of the story finally became clear to me.  It's taken me years to express the following publicly, so please bear with me as I try to muddle my way through a different side of foster care that was never taught to me. There were no training classes or emotionally charged videos teaching me on how to deal with the following issues. 

Here were my top three RED FLAGS concerning Child Protective Services.

1). The Caseworkers

I want to make it clear that 75% of my caseworkers were just lovely. They changed my life, and I am forever grateful for them. Many I still keep in touch with and are dear friends of mine, but unfortunately there was that 25% that was pure hell. It was like walking on egg shells with some of them, as they controlled the cards of not just your license, but of your foster child. I remember one caseworker and I disagreed over movie choices and a few other issues, and out of spite she removed the child from my home without any warning. Another caseworker had the nerve to ask me to help her out on her mortgage that was late. She had access to my finances and knew how much I made and took advantage of that knowledge. She completely manipulated me and I felt trapped.   Another caseworker asked me out and was beyond inappropriate with me. Yes, he was single and seriously good looking, but really????  I wish I could tell you I didn't go out with him and kept a level of professionalism, but I ended up going on one date with him and let's just say..."he told all." He must have not read the part about keeping confidentiality. I ended it the next day because I was completely convicted! Another caseworker would come into my home smelling of smoke and other questionable odors. I'm pretty sure that caseworker has since moved to a state like Colorado where they legalize weed. One of the caseworkers literally tried to convert me to their religion. The caseworkers also constantly changed. I couldn't believe the turnover.  Some caseworkers followed the rules. Some did not. I remember one who was always bringing their children with them to visit my home. Whatever happened to professionalism? I remember the constant lies that caseworkers put on reports, it was honestly exhausting hearing my caseworker lie about a visit etc.  I remember showing up to court for one of my foster kids, and I was asked to stay outside. Of course I didn't listen and I was shocked at the lies that CPS told in front of the court room. I watched the devastated biological family leave in tears.  I watched caseworkers with personal vendettas and opinions judge these birth families and basically call them guilty without getting proof.

I was too afraid to speak up back then. I was afraid of causing an issue. I wanted to be the peacemaker, and honestly was afraid of what that caseworker could do to me. I was trying to finalize my personal adoptions and didn't want to "rock the boat" and cause issues.  Looking back now, I wish I would have not only rocked the boat, but sunk that ship!  Also, I really felt sorry for the many legit caseworkers who were doing the right thing. They were overworked, underpaid, and had overwhelming caseloads.

And here I was just a kid myself, taking on something that most young people my age don't normally do. While my friends were all signing marriage certificates, I was signing adoption decrees. So to keep the peace I stayed silent. Since I signed my seventh adoption at age 26, I became automatically controversial. My critics started hounding me and they have only grown louder with each passing year. I'm the type of polite gal that when I find a chunk of hair and an old band aid in my food, I don't make a scene. I just stay silent. Well, now that I am a tad older, learned a few things, and could write the book of what not to do, my silence has turned into a passion that is fairly bursting out of me. I'm a little late on rocking the boat, but better late than never, so I am now ready to sink this ship if need be. I already have quite the list of detractors and I am fully prepared to let that list grow.

2). The Foster Care Payments

Foster parents constantly claim they don't do it for the money.  We as foster parents all have these common quotes we say to make ourselves feel better about the fact we get paid by the state to babysit kids. It was the constant common theme among us. We all got together and complained how expensive it was, and made sure each of us knew it wasn't about the money. Now what I am about to say will most likely offend most foster parents, but I'm not here to gain anyone's approval. Now the going rate in my state for a therapeutic foster parent was 900-1200 per month per child, depending on the specialized needs involved. I remember the screaming and rage that took place when foster parents hadn't received their checks in a timely manner. I was always alarmed by this, because we aren't doing it for the money, so why are foster parents cursing out their caseworkers because their checks were late? 

I have been disappointed with the whole foster parent subsidy.  I know regular foster care is around $300-400 depending on the state per month per child. This whole government paying families to care for legally kidnapped children seems warped to me. When I fostered, the payments were at an all-time low, and I still have check stubs of a little over $200 for my drug baby that I eventually adopted.  Now yes there are foster parents who don't do it for the money.  I am friends with tons of them that are legit, but I will have to confess there are many that DO do it for the money. I took in kids "off the record" all the time with zero reimbursement just to help my county out. I look back now and see how dangerous that was, and completely illegal on the caseworkers part. In order to get paid when I was a therapeutic foster parent I had to turn in paperwork and, well, that never happened! Writing up bogus incident reports just wasn't my cup of tea. ;) So even though foster parents say they don't do it for the money - I happen to know for a fact it was a way for the wife to stay home and not have to work. Even worse, not all the money goes directly to the child. Many foster parents rely on these checks. If the government stopped giving them subsidies, I guarantee that many foster parents would not continue to foster for free. So if you are a foster parent who is truly not in this thing for the money then props to you. If you are a foster parent doing it for the money, then please use that money on the kid!  Put them in ballet or karate- prove to the state the money is actually being put to good use in the child's life.  I even started accounts for some of my foster kids and turned those saving accounts straight over to the biological parents when the kids were returned. Let's invest this money into the child's life…nothing else. Let's invest this money in making sure the child is reunified with their biological families.

....And for my number three very controversial red flag... I have saved the best for last.

(Drum roll please…..)

I call it:

3). Reunification (my Acee-holee)
(Forgive my slang cussing….it was purely intentional….)

I remember sitting through the classes and everyone is preaching reunification, reunification, reunification!  Unfortunately, thus far in my 14 years of personally dealing with CPS, I am not convinced they are for reunification. 

I am however pretty convinced CPS should no longer stand for Child Protective Services, because I am not seeing a whole lot in the way of protection or services happening.  I have personally renamed CPS as Corrupt Profitable Secrets. Yes, that may seem very disrespectful and many of you know me as a conservative person who gets convicted when I don't return a shopping cart.  Yes, I drive the speed limit and follow all the rules. Yes, I am a law abiding citizen who pays taxes and has a flawless background check. This topic just happens to get my blood boiling.  I know in every state CPS is called something like DCS, DHS, DCF etc. but in my blog we are just going to generalize it, and call them CPS.  Now hear me out, I mean no disrespect to the government of the United States of America.  But I would also like the Government to understand that they are funding and started what many consider to be a very corrupt organization called CPS. I mean, God Bless America, but let's be honest here. Our US government needs help. Would you agree that all humans make mistakes?  If so then we have humans who make mistakes running these government organizations. So CPS can't be perfect if imperfect people are running it....end of story. I personally believe everyone sins. We all just sin in different ways. How dare we judge other peoples’ sins and mistakes? We are not perfect!  I pray God shows our government system a wealth of mercy, because we need it desperately.

It's time for CPS to get a facelift or at the very least, some Botox. CPS has gotten away with outrageous crimes, and desperately needs to be held accountable. Like I said, every human being makes mistakes, but we have people who make mistakes running an organization that deals with something as sacred as a child's heart. Let me please recommend some plastic surgeons to CPS, because ya'll need some drastic changes. CPS, it is past time for your laws to change. It's time for reform, baby.  It's time that CPS starts recognizing the parental rights that are being stomped on daily.

The day I realized that CPS was not the innocent, angelic, Mother Teresa that I thought it to be was when I was doing something in my state called Bridge Resource. The goal was to have the foster parents helping the birth parents. We as foster parents interacted with the birth families. My eyes were awakened to something they never taught me in my 40+ hours of training. Not only was there a foster child but there were two other hearts that were beating that gave birth to this foster child. Not only were there biological parents, but there were grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and a whole community attached to this foster child.  Once I got personally involved with the birth families of these children, my views drastically changed. Once I sat with the birth mom that was too depressed to get out of bed and function, my life changed forever. It led me to a sight that is no longer in existence, but it was compared to the website.... www.fightcps.com.  On this website I saw something that touched my heart in a major way. It was a story of a desperate parent crying out for help because their child had been adopted without their knowledge. I froze as I read the first name on the comment section. That was one of my birth mom's names.  I freaked out when I saw that they lived in the same state as I did. Then to my horror they mentioned that rights were terminated over some kind of posting in a newspaper? What is that? Then I about collapsed when I read the words that are forever engraved upon my heart....

... My child was adopted by a single mother who is younger than me. My child's new mother could be my child. But just because she had a house, a job, and finances she apparently could do the job better than me.

There were pictures attached to the statement and sure enough. This was my adopted child.  I wept. I still weep. I can barely talk about it because I grieve for this family. I remember that night I had a Christmas party for all the foster and adoptive parents to go to. I remember listening to all the mothers and fathers sitting around weeping over having to return their foster children. I remember one foster mom was so determined that her foster baby shouldn't be returned with birth mom. She had listed all the reasons why the birth mom shouldn't get the child back, and I remember listening to her absolutely sick to my stomach.  She was keeping track of all the things birth mom did wrong during the visits. She had researched the birth mom online and had her lists of reasons she was going to fight against her. She claimed she had rights before any birth family because the child had lived with her since birth and the child was bonded to her. This was not right!  We as foster parents should not be focusing on ourselves and our emotions. It's not about us! It's about the child! I remember foster mom's crying because their foster child had to return to a relative and I was screaming on the inside.... This is a good thing!!!!!!  I felt kind of bad because I never shed tears when my foster kids left. It was like a huge celebration that they could return to a blood relative or back with biological parents. I was thrilled for the birth families! I remember I fostered a child who had been with me since birth, I was the only mother he knew, and then all of a sudden a relative came forward.  So many other foster parents wanted me to fight it, saying I had rights, but I was determined to love the child enough to think of his best interests.  I truly believe it was in the best interests of the child to be with relatives, not me. So here I sat at this Christmas party confused, hurt, and I felt duped. I was surrounded by foster parents that just wanted to adopt children, and they were not truly grasping what foster care is really about. 

I got my original paperwork from the adoption and started reading the disclosure where it talked about the birth family. I talked to my adoption worker who was so gracious and helpful, and sure enough they couldn't find one of the parents so they put some ad in the paper to prove that they tried.  The more I researched, the more I became paralyzed on the inside.  I finally decided to boldly try and find this birth parent and at least reach out. The website wouldn't give me info, but I had enough info on the disclosure forms. I googled this birth parent and saw that they had a Myspace account. I quickly made myself a MySpace account and we began to converse back and forth.  Long story short…I ended up driving to her town which was about an hour away. I brought all my kids, and I was greeted by weeping faces of uncles, cousins, neighbors, and extended family. I sat there on the front porch and listened to their side of the story, the one that I was never told. I wept. I am still weeping. I watched as this birth mom started cuddling on my adopted child and saw the tears falling so freely from her eyes. I listened to her struggle. 
I felt her pain. 

She couldn't make the classes because she didn't have a car. She didn't have a car because she couldn't get a job due to her recent criminal record that CPS gave her. She couldn't get the help she needed because her baby was kidnapped from her by CPS, and she couldn't get out of bed. She couldn't afford an attorney because she was already behind on bills. She was given a public defender that wasn't cheering her on. She was assigned a worker that didn't agree with her lifestyle choices and marked her as guilty. She missed court appointments because she was too depressed to even take a shower. Her family and friends all marked her as guilty because she was hanging out with the wrong crowd and dating what they considered to be a loser. CPS didn't offer this woman any help.  They didn't come along side of her and figure out a healthy treatment plan so she could get the help she needed. She was alienated from CPS. She was marked guilty until proven innocent. CPS said she was uncooperative with them and hostile but the woman gave birth and instantly lost her child…of course she was angry! Who wouldn't be? She was never able to share her side of the story in court. Her poverty suddenly turned into neglect and an awful crime. She was in a state of desperation. She had many relatives that could have taken the child but instead they placed it in foster care. CPS never made efforts in contacting birth father. They just put unknown and slapped an ad in the newspaper thinking that this was acceptable. This woman was set up to fail, and the system set her up for that failure. She didn't stand a chance against CPS. She was too uneducated and had made too many past mistakes.  Now this precious family and I ended up healing and getting to know each other on a personal level. They ended up giving me their blessing to continue raising their child, and we remain close friends even to this day. I talk to her monthly and I have given her visitation rights

I wish I could tell you that this was the only isolated incident. But I have adopted a lot of kids, and I have another story for you on a blog called: "Dear Birth Mother." This story is about my first adoption.  I actually fostered her birth mother and it’s an incredible story I hope that you will read.

 I also want to make a disclaimer that my adoption was legit. The mistakes that were made were not done by my adoption worker. She was told one thing. The files reflected everything was in order. Permanent planning meetings were in place and everything seemed to be on the up and up. It's the system that messed up. It was the original caseworker who removed the child in the first place who made the mistakes. The current CPS system is simply not working. This whole reunification thing is a bad joke, because these poor biological parents are the ones that also need to be taken care of. I mean, foster kids get case workers, attorneys, social workers, free Medicaid, guardian ad litem's, foster parents, therapists etc. What do the biological parents get?!?????? A public defender that is often not supportive of the biological family. They are told they have to take classes, get drug tests, and are given a ridiculous list that is literally impossible for some of them to complete.

I know I am just one person and this rambling blog may not fix anything. I am going to put down lots of links at the end that I would encourage everyone to research.  I am not a fan of people reading blogs and claiming them as TRUTH! Please research this for yourself.  Don't take my word for it.  Do your own homework.  I also would recommend that you read the late Senator Nancy Schaefer's report that she did on the corruption of Child Protective Services.  Now I do not agree with everything the former Senator believed in.  She was an ultimate conservative to the extreme on some other very controversial issues.  But I respected her for speaking out on the issue concerning CPS and she was one of our leaders in the fight for change and reform in Child Protective Services.  I encourage you to Google her and listen to many of her speeches on CPS.

I know there is at least one thing I can do:

I can apologize.

I am a former foster parent and I am an adoptive mother so on behalf of all foster parents and adoptive parents nationwide, I repent to you for the following:

  • I want to humbly apologize to any birth family who is a victim of legal forced adoptions that take place in CPS. I am so sorry.  I am praying for change in this area.

  • If your parental rights were terminated and you never had a fair trial or received due process, I want to apologize to you.

  • If you are a grandparent, aunt, uncle or an extended relative and you never had the chance to take custody of that child before they were placed in foster care. I repent to you.

  • If you are a biological parent that never got a fair chance to fight for your child due to a divorce or separation, I am so sorry.

  • If you are a victim of parental alienation, I am sorry. I am praying for the day when Parental Alienation can be recognized in courts as one of the worse types of abuse. 

  • If you were falsely accused, I repent on behalf of this messed up, so-called Justice System. I pray that God sweeps in and redemption happens.  I am praying for JUSTICE on behalf of your situation. 

  • If your children were kidnapped and hijacked by the police department or CPS without a proper investigation. I repent to you. 

  • If the foster parent that your child lived with abused or neglected your child, I humbly repent. I am horrified by the fact that so many children get abused in the states foster care system. I truly believe that children are better off being raised by their families then the government. 

  • If your child died while being in the custody of CPS, I am so grieved for you and repent deeply. 

  • If the foster parents responsible for your child did not champion around you and support you in reunification.  I am so sorry.  

  • If people have judged you, and tried to mark you as guilty without hearing your heart, I understand and I am so sorry. 

...and to my dear friends at CPS who I am probably flagged in every state: I am working on getting you a facelift but until then, please remember these things before removing a child:

  • More children die currently in foster care due to abuse and neglect.

  • In most cases children are safer in their original home rather than a foster home.

  • The amount of damage and trauma it causes on a child when you remove them will take years to fix.  Most likely, your removing them will cause more damage than any biological home could.

  • Don't assume, make sure the case is 100% legit.

For those caseworkers who are doing the right thing, then I thank you and encourage you to speak out if you witness anything in your department that is happening illegally. Don't stay silent like I did; be brave and blow your whistle loudly.

To my fellow foster parents, I hope you didn't feel bashed while reading this blog.  I have a soft spot for you because I understand what you are going through.  Please just remember to foster children because it's all about them. Don't make foster care turn into something that is about you.  I understand someone has to do it, because there are legit cases that need attention, but please make sure to do whatever is possible for reunification. You have never walked in these biological families’ shoes, so let's not judge. 

Adoptive parents - I'm going to address you in a separate blog. ;) :)

Until my next controversial post….Happy Parenting everyone! 

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. - Psalms 139:13-16
Recommended Links:
I would encourage you to research or speak with Assemblyman Tim Donnelly.  He has done extensive research on Cps and is asking for change.  He is well respected and understands the side of CPS that not many are willing to talk about.
Nancy Schaefer wrote a report called "The Corrupt Business of Child Protective Services."  I would encourage you to download this report and listen to her speeches on youtube.  I would also encourage you to research her life, and really sit down and listen to her public speeches that can be found on Youtube. 
Linda Jo Martin is a respected woman who has done extensive research on CPS.  She started a website that helps thousands of victims.  She is the leading lady that has helped thousands with exposing CPS.  
Rev. Patrick Mahoney is on the front lines fighting for parental rights.  I would encourage you to read his blogs and he is the Director of the Christian Defense Coalition in Washington.  
I would also encourage you to research the following website and join AFRA as well.  Fascinating information.