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Sunday, May 8, 2011

My Top 3 Church Confessions

My Top 3 Church Confessions

Yes, I love God.  Always have, always will.  It's my faith that has gotten me through this insane journey, otherwise known as my life. 

But I have a confession to make...I don't like church. Never have, probably never will.

Maybe it’s because I grew up as a pastor’s kid.  I was forced to sit in the front row, where I felt like all eyes were always upon me.  I hated living in this glass house that was created for me.   Church to me felt like a performance, not some Holy Experience.  Now for the record, I was never one of those wild pastors’ daughters.  The most I ever did was chew gum in church, well, that and take two communion cups of grape juice (but then, hasn’t everyone done that a time or twelve?). 

Maybe it’s because getting this many children ready every Sunday morning has been years of complete exhaustion.  

I am convinced my Pastor needs to have a special handicapped parking space just for me.  Because after getting that many kids ready and out the door, by the time I pull into the church parking lot, I am feeling pretty well disabled. Sometimes I think people need to just have a wheel chair ready for me, so after I get my kids dropped off and signed into their appropriate classes they can just wheel me in.  I sit down most of the time during worship, not out of irreverence, but out of pure exhaustion.  If you ever saw me crying in church, most likely it wasn't because I was touched by the Holy Spirit. ;)  

Thank God my parents taught me what it was to have a relationship with God, not just some Sunday morning experience.  I am forever grateful for them teaching me what a quiet time was, how to hear that still small voice, and encouraged me to search out scriptures that provide the daily guidance for our lives. Even though our family was and is known for its extreme dysfunction, I am at least grateful my parents taught us about the heart of God.  That overshadows all the rest. 

I have learned that church is not a religion, it's a building.  The Pastor is not God, nor should he ever be placed on some pedestal.  It's a man trying to lead by example, the best that he knows how, both on Sunday and throughout the week. He or she will make mistakes and when they do, the sun will still shine, Big Bird will still be yellow, and God is still on the throne. I mean that's what Forgiveness is for... right? 

I am convinced the church should not worry about its seating capacity, but its sending capacity.

Church is supposed to be a place where people feel safe to fellowship and unite in worship. My prayer is that churches everywhere become more outwardly focused instead of inwardly focused. 

365 million orphans in this world, while the church is building coffee shops.  May God awaken our hearts to revival not caffeine.

Here are my top 3 Utterly Ridiculous Church Confessions. 

1). I pop beano into my children's mouths like it is candy before church.  While the congregation is praying, I am normally praying one of my kids don't drop a smelly bomb in the middle of service, like they do most everywhere else.  I normally have my roll on perfume ready and my fragrance hand sanitizer ready just in case they decide to drop a bomb.  If one does get dropped, I just casually apply the hand sanitizer to my hands and pray it helps disguise the smell.   

2). I attend mega churches so I don't have to socialize.  Pathetic? Yes, I know.  I am well known for showing up late, leaving early, and sitting in the back nearest the exit.  I am not saying I am proud of this.  I know it’s ridiculous and utterly childish, but I just can't help it.  I have the personality where everyone asks me to do this and lead that, and I just struggle with the concept of just saying NO. I try and tell my children to not mention what their mother does for a living, for fear they will have me come speak in some women’s group, make a video, lead a small group, do some mission special, or head up some children's programs.  Is this selfish? Probably.  I just get exhausted because in this family, we can’t help but make a scene pretty much wherever we go, and people always want to know "OUR STORY."  Next thing I know it people want to know how to adopt, how I can afford having so many children, why I am still single, etc. 

3). I text in church.  Not proud of it, and I don't recommend it.  Ever since it was cool to open your Bible using the YouVersion BIBLE APP on your iPhone, I have found that it has also been so tempting to catch up on an email or a text message.  I have had text conversations with my pastor’s wife, and other friends who are pastors’ wives in the middle of church, so obviously I’m not the only one that is guilty in this area.  I normally don't text when my Pastor is speaking, but when there is a guest speaker… GUILTY! 

Well there you have it….my Top 3 Church Confessions.  Thank God his mercy is new every morning!


For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. - Romans 12:3-5 

Adoption Etiquette (My Personal Top 5)


Adoption Etiquette: (My Personal Top 5)


1). Biological vs Adopted

Do not refer to your child as the "adopted child."  Do not refer to your child as the "biological child." If your name is on the birth certificate or adoption decree, then just claim them as your children. Someone once had the audacity to ask me if these are my real children.  I didn't know how to respond so I just gently pinched my children real quick and said "Yep, these are my real children.”  When people in the public say ignorant things, just shake it off and make sure the heart of your child is honored over what strangers think. Unite your biological and adopted children and become one family.

2). Adoptive Mother vs Mother

Do not refer to yourself as the “adoptive mom” or the “adoptive dad”.  I had a precious friend that would always refer to herself as the adoptive mother when she would sign for things in school or fill out applications.  Being just Mom or Dad is perfectly acceptable and highly recommended. There is no need to place the adoption label on your name. 

3). Children vs Labels

If your child struggles with any kind of behavior issues, do not add that label to them.  For example, many people call their child “my RADS child”.  Try and separate the label from the child. I know it’s hard, but your child isn't the behavior. Your child may suffer from Reactive Attachment Disorder and may be diagnosed as RADS, however please try to refer to them as the healed, whole, redeemed, and precious child that they are. Separate them from the label.  If you know someone that struggles with a porn addiction, you wouldn't refer to the person as Porn Bill, right? Give your child the room they need to heal.

4). Public vs Private

One day your child will be an adult and they won't want to Google themselves to find that their parents talked openly about their behaviors, personal details about their adoption, etc.  Make sure to leave your child an appropriate legacy.  Don't be venting about your child using their names on your blogs and social media sites.  Respect their privacy.  If you are like me, and use your personal struggles to help others, make sure that you do not attach your child’s name to your stories. Also, don't post anything that your child wouldn't approve one day.  I have many stories about my kids that I will take to the grave with me. I have had many ask me to share all my specific adoption stories through blogs, but this is something I will not do out of simple respect for my children. I may make reference to them from time to time, but no one will ever know what child belongs to what reference or story. 

5). Announcing Your Adoption vs Surprise Adoption

I have always had a rule that I wouldn't post any pictures of my adopted child until after a year or two of the finalization of their adoption.  I am known for not announcing my adoptions until years later. I would encourage you to not post pictures of your child when you are in the adoption process. Many adoptions fail, and there is so many things that could go wrong in any adoption process.  I have so many friends who set up adoption fundraiser sites and blog all the time about their adoption journey, but I would encourage you to limit the pictures until the child is actually in your custody.  Adoption is already an emotional roller coaster; I would not recommend taking all your friends and family on the ride with you. It will only cause more questions, expectations, and drama.