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Wednesday, June 18, 2014

The Problem of Prideful Parenting


The Problem Of Prideful Parenting

I have a friend who used to come to me in tears, talking about her child who just screams all the time for no reason.  I never could quite understand her struggle, at least until I had a child that struggled with the same issue. My child's screaming normally turned into some raging, violent tantrum. I remember calling her on the phone apologizing for not understanding her struggle, not validating her, or truly trying to understand her.  I just always thought that maybe she was doing something wrong.  I made the ridiculous mistake that so many parents make and passed judgment on her without ever walking a mile in her shoes. 

The fact of the matter is that we as parents haven't walked in each other’s specific shoes, so we have no room to judge each other.  I think there is this Prideful Parenting Attitude that we can all get caught up in.  For example I used to see children act out in stores and I would pass judgments on them thinking they should do this or that.  I was WRONG! I had no right to judge these parents.  I had no idea what they were going through with their specific child.  I didn't understand the struggle, so I didn't have any business judging.

The Prideful Parenting Attitude is when we see a child acting out and we think, "Well if this child was in my home, he or she wouldn't be behaving in such a disgraceful manner", and we are all guilty of this in some form or fashion.  We see an outrageous behavior and naturally we want to fix it or offer suggestions on how to fix it.  Many of us just pass on our opinions without truly understanding. We think that if that specific child was in our home they wouldn't be acting out. This is wrong, and here is why. 

  • I am not called to your children and you are not called to mine.  I cannot raise your children better than you.  You cannot raise my children better than me…end of story.

  • God didn't make a mistake when he placed your children with you and my children with me. So we have no business messing with God's purpose and destiny. 

  • You are the only one called to your child; therefore you are the one that will be able to figure out how to raise your child the best of your ability.

  • No person, government, church, school, or professional can tell you more about your child then you already know. 

I want to encourage all my readers today to make sure you do not get entangled in the trap called the Prideful Parenting Attitude.  If you see a parent struggling, pray for them, offer to help them with NO judgments. Instead of criticizing them, encourage them. When thoughts come in and you think a certain child would act differently if they were raised in your home, quench those thoughts and get rid of them.  Everyone is called to their own children.  Be reassured by this.  No one could do the job better and no one has the right to think they can. 

If you have been hurt by others judging your parenting let me reassure your heart right now and encourage you to keep doing the best that you possibly can.  Shake off the critics and trust in your parenting ability.  If you need help with parenting, seek out that help but do not allow it to condemn you, but rather make you an even better parent. May our goal be to continue to better ourselves in every area of our lives.  

“Discipline your son, and he will give you peace, he will bring delight to your soul” – Proverbs 29:17