Dear Broken Hearted...

Dear Broken Hearted,

It may be one of those days where you don't want to get out of bed.

Crawl out of bed.

It may be one of those days where your soul feels overwhelmed.

It is well with your soul.

It may be one of those days where you just feel numb and you are walking around in shock.

Force yourself to function.

It may be one of those days where your mind escapes to another place and your thoughts aren't clear.

You have a sound mind.

It may be one of those days you are living and acting out of trauma.

Recognize the trauma and step out of it.

Your flesh may be curled up in a fetal position weeping, but tell your spirit to rise up.

Your flesh may be wanting to run, but tell your spirit to dance instead.

Your flesh may want to seek revenge, but tell your spirit to forgive.

Your flesh may want to keep hurting today, but tell your spirit you are healed.

Your flesh may want to give up today, but tell your spirit to persevere.

Dear God heal the broken hearts today. Let them feel you breathe life into their beating hearts. May their heart beat with yours. May they gently feel your restoring hands go deep inside and repair.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:18

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. -Psalm 147:3


 

The Problem of Prideful Parenting

The Problem Of Prideful Parenting

I have a friend who used to come to me in tears, talking about her child who just screams all the time for no reason.  I never could quite understand her struggle, at least until I had a child that struggled with the same issue. My child's screaming normally turned into some raging, violent tantrum. I remember calling her on the phone apologizing for not understanding her struggle, not validating her, or truly trying to understand her.  I just always thought that maybe she was doing something wrong.  I made the ridiculous mistake that so many parents make and passed judgment on her without ever walking a mile in her shoes. 

The fact of the matter is that we as parents haven't walked in each other’s specific shoes, so we have no room to judge each other.  I think there is this Prideful Parenting Attitude that we can all get caught up in.  For example I used to see children act out in stores and I would pass judgments on them thinking they should do this or that.  I was WRONG! I had no right to judge these parents.  I had no idea what they were going through with their specific child.  I didn't understand the struggle, so I didn't have any business judging.

The Prideful Parenting Attitude is when we see a child acting out and we think, "Well if this child was in my home, he or she wouldn't be behaving in such a disgraceful manner", and we are all guilty of this in some form or fashion.  We see an outrageous behavior and naturally we want to fix it or offer suggestions on how to fix it.  Many of us just pass on our opinions without truly understanding. We think that if that specific child was in our home they wouldn't be acting out. This is wrong, and here is why. 

• I am not called to your children and you are not called to mine.  I cannot raise your children better than you.  You cannot raise my children better than me…end of story.

• God didn't make a mistake when he placed your children with you and my children with me. So we have no business messing with God's purpose and destiny. 

• You are the only one called to your child; therefore you are the one that will be able to figure out how to raise your child the best of your ability.

• No person, government, church, school, or professional can tell you more about your child then you already know. 

I want to encourage all my readers today to make sure you do not get entangled in the trap called the Prideful Parenting Attitude.  If you see a parent struggling, pray for them, offer to help them with NO judgments. Instead of criticizing them, encourage them. When thoughts come in and you think a certain child would act differently if they were raised in your home, quench those thoughts and get rid of them.  Everyone is called to their own children.  Be reassured by this.  No one could do the job better and no one has the right to think they can. 

If you have been hurt by others judging your parenting let me reassure your heart right now and encourage you to keep doing the best that you possibly can.  Shake off the critics and trust in your parenting ability.  If you need help with parenting, seek out that help but do not allow it to condemn you, but rather make you an even better parent. May our goal be to continue to better ourselves in every area of our lives.  

“Discipline your son, and he will give you peace, he will bring delight to your soul” – Proverbs 29:17

Parental Rights

Parental Rights

"The government is not always adept at decision-making, and it really does make a terrible parent.”

-Josh Duggar

I cringe every time I hear the term "children's rights."  I know most of the organizations that say they are for children's rights are simply trying to protect children from abuse, so I am for this 100%. However, I am also for children having rights when it comes to having the freedom from discrimination on the basis of race, gender, national origin, religion, disability, ethnicity, and other characteristics. I believe they should have equal protection of civil rights. What I can't grasp is how there are so many movements out there that are basically placing the child versus the parent.  

I think of my son who wants to be a Lego-spy-ninja-warrior and who could spend his days playing castle in the bath tub, cuddling with me watching Ninjago movies, and playing Legos and doing mock sword fights. So should a Lego-spy-ninja-warrior who has aspirations of defeating everyone with his karate moves be awarded so many rights by the government?  Should my Lego-spy-ninja-warrior be battling me in family court?  I will let you answer that for yourself. 

I personally would have to vote a... BIG NO. 

I am not on the bandwagon for "children's rights" when it means placing the child against the parent.  If there was a bandwagon that I would get on, it would be the one championing "Parental Rights." 

I mean, if I allowed my kids to make life altering decisions, this could get scary…and fast. 

Yes, we should allow children to think for themselves and our prayer for any of them should be that they turn out better than us and don't make the same mistakes we made.  But children need speed limits, guard rails as they journey off into this world to grow and learn.  There must be certain boundaries in place, and we as parents need to act as those guard rails to our children, as we raise them to be productive individuals of society. 

I love this quote by Mike Huckabee, whether you support him or not.  The man has a great point:

“I know this: I know that mothers and fathers raise better children than governments ever will.” 

Another quote from Assemblyman Tim Donnelly says:

“I think the system itself is flawed and needs to be fundamentally reformed from the ground up.” 

I agree with these two statements.  The system is flawed and governments were never meant to raise children....end of story. 

Today, parental rights are being stomped on. If you just take a small glimpse at the daily news to see what is happening in our family court system, it is heart wrenching.  You have people like Lou and Linda Pelletier who took their 15 year old daughter, Justina, to get medical care, and then without any notice she was hijacked by the CPS system. They have been battling for their right to decide medical care for Justina for over a year now.  

You have famous families like Will & Jada Smith being harassed by CPS over a picture that THEY DID NOT post. 

You have fathers nationwide fighting to get custody of their children that are being so freely adopted out by the mothers without their consent. 

You have children and young teens testifying against their parents and trying to sue them for outrageous accusations. 

You have families in every state fighting and begging for reunification plans to get their children back, children that were legally kidnapped by a government organization we created, an organization called Child Protective Services.

You have grandparents nationwide that are battling the court system trying to get custody of their grand-children, but the courts are giving foster parents more rights than actual blood relatives. 

You have families like me who have dedicated their life to the unwanted, hard to adopt children, who are constantly harassed by the government for our specific parenting styles just because they do not recognize RADS (Reactive Attachment Disorder) as a real issue.  

The government should not be able to tell us how to raise our children.  We as parents should have the freedom to decide what is in their best interests.  If Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar want to change all their kids names starting with the Letter "Z", decide to un-school rather than home school them, and make them all wear purple and green and walk in a straight line, then so be it.  More power to them!  If Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie want to raise their children a certain way with the convictions of their hearts, life experiences, and belief system, then so be it.  More power to them!   It is not for us to judge other peoples parenting beliefs and styles.  

Parents should have the RIGHT to decide the educational, medical, and disciplinary methods for their children. 

-To spank or not to spank? This should be your right as a parent to decide according to your belief system.

-To immunize or not immunize? This is your parental Right to decide.

-To send your kids to public school, private school, home school, or un-school.  This is your parental Right. 

-To discipline or not to discipline.  This is your parental Right.

-To have your kids eat organic or not to eat organic.  This is your Right.

-To allow your kids to play video games or not to play.  This is your parental Right.

-To watch TV or ban the television from your home.  This is your parental Right.

-To choose doctors and medicine or go the homeopathic route.  This is your parental Right. 

-To allow your child to wear tube tops or wear a parka.  This is your Right.

-To decide whether you attend church or not to attend church.  This is your Right.

I have personally had my parental rights stomped on, and I can say that it hurts deeply.  It hurts to have your parenting put on display and criticized, and it hurts all the more when those doing the criticizing have not walked in your shoes. 

So I want to send a huge cyber-hug to all those struggling with your parental rights being stomped on.  I understand and am joining you in the fight, praying for all states to recognize our parental rights.  For more information on parental rights, and to learn about the Parental Rights Amendment and sign the petition, please visit:

www.parentalrights.org

The Least of These (Why I Started Adopting)

The Least Of These

(Why I Started Adopting)

I had never planned on adopting. I had never really even heard that much about adopting growing up.  My family never spoke about adoption and there was no one in my family who had ventured down the adoption path.  I was a preacher/missionary kid, had visited many different countries with my father as he did church planting overseas, and knew there were orphanages and orphans, but for some reason I never fully grasped the fact that there were so many children in need.  Back then, adoption seemed unnatural, taking in children that were not your own flesh and blood. In fact, by the time I was in my late teens, I was burned out on children.  I had been the neighborhood babysitter starting when I was 12 years old, and got my first job working in a daycare just up the road from our home.  By the time I was 15 and was a senior in high school, I was convinced I didn’t want children of my own.  My mother and twin brother always told me that I should pray at night for God to bring me seven kids...I vaguely remember this, but they were all too ready to remind me of it when I was 26 and adopting my seventh child. 

I will never forget the day someone dropped off four kids at my dad’s church.  I saw several families pick the children apart, trying to decide who will go with which family.  One family wanted to take the youngest who was a baby, and another family who had some dream of adopting dark skinned children wanted to take the two middle children. But the oldest was left without a home. No one wanted the oldest child. To this day that sibling group of four got separated and adopted by two separate families, and no one stood up for the oldest child and chose to adopt her.  I remember I was only 19 at the time and there was no way I was able to myself.  Oh, I definitely tried to adopt her, and she lived with me for a while, but I had every door slammed in my face due to my age and the fact that some of the church families refused to advocate for me. I was only 19 when I agreed to adopt this 10 year old and that was the day I was marked crazy.  There was a church meeting, I had shown up early and could hear them all whispering and basically doubting me.  I got so mad thinking, “well, if I’m not qualified, then why are you not adopting her!?” One of the families refused to take her because they said she acted like she was the mommy to her youngest sibling.  I wanted to vomit.  Of course she acted like the mommy; most likely she had to take over that role to her younger siblings.  I still weep at the fact I witnessed church families all picking and choosing what kids they would take...kind of like the old song about “which doggy in the window?”.  I wish someone would have stood up and said, NO, let’s find a family who is willing to take in all FOUR KIDS. I wish the leadership of the church would have gotten involved and tried to keep the four children together, or better yet, restore them with their birth mother.  I was also bothered that no one tried to see if there were any blood relatives that could take the children in.  To this day the oldest has been tossed around and I wish I could tell you that this story had a happy ending, but it doesn’t.  It’s actually quite tragic.  That 10 year old girl is the one that birthed such a deep passion inside of my heart for the vulnerable children and the corruption happening in the adoption world.  I witnessed the injustice that took place in her life, and I was moved to action. I still can’t quite wrap my brain around how those Christian families who adopted her siblings refused to adopt her.

I also thought to myself, where is the birth mother?  We are a church! Why is the church not rallying around her?  Why do these four children need to be adopted anyway? Why can’t we fight for the birth mother to keep these kids? Let's figure out a way to help the mom get her life back on track, and let's spend our money and resources to make sure that she gets a chance to watch her children grow up. 

Because of this 10 year old girl, I then heard about such a thing called foster care.  I was shocked that there were actually waiting children in America.  I had lived in such a small Christian bubble that I had no clue about the fact that there was a government shelter filled with children just a few miles down the road from where I lived.  I contacted the State of Oklahoma, asking them if I could foster.  They told me I was too young and to come back when I was married and out of college.  You can read about my fostering journey in a blog called, Confessions of a Former Foster Parent.

I still weep at the injustice that took place in my father's church years ago and pray that we can somehow learn and make sure these kinds of injustices don't continue to happen. 

For these reasons, among others, a passion was birthed inside of me and this is why I chose to adopt sibling groups, champion around birth parents, and adopt older children like that little 10 year old girl, that precious soul that no one in God’s house could be bothered to take care of.

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.' – Matthew 25:40

Dear Fellow Missionary -An Open Plea

Dear Fellow Missionary,

You and I have never met. Let me say that again. You and I have never met. Let’s say it one more time so you truly understand…we have never met. I couldn’t pick you out in a crowd. I do not know you! Even though we have never met, you claim to know so much about me. You cast aspersions on my integrity and encourage doubts about the ministries to which I am attached. Your blog and Facebook comments are filled with negative remarks about me. You spread gossip and you slander my name to your readers, hinting at my misdeeds without offering explanation or evidence to substantiate your claims.

I have sat back, silently, watching as my name and reputation were drug through the mud. I have listened as the integrity of organizations that I am attached to have not only been questioned, but also slandered and degraded. I have been falsely and baselessly accused over and over and over again. Now, through your influence, other missionaries who have never met me are questioning me. I can no longer go anywhere in Haiti without hearing rumors, whispers, and lies.

But please know this, I am not going anywhere. I am determined to stand my ground. I have chosen to count it all joy to have my reputation destroyed. My reputation is of no account to me. It is Christ whom I serve. I am ok with being disliked, misunderstood, and even hated. I gladly lay my reputation at the feet of the One who suffered shame and abuse and condemnation for me.

Over these last few months I have sought to do just this and respond with grace to these attacks:

• When you and your friends persecuted me- I turned my cheek.“To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also…

• When you and your friends took my shirt- I offered my coat. “…and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.” Luke 6:29

• When you bore false witness against me- I forgave. “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…” Matthew 5:44

• When you raided the Giving Hope Rescue Mission crèche and falsely caused the arrest of an innocent man- I stayed silent. “Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you.” John 15:20

• When you slandered me in front of my missionaries and staff and had the crèche’s children in tears as they watched their “papa” (the Haitian crèche director) drug off in handcuffs- I stayed silent. “Yes, and everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.” 2 Timothy 3:12

• When you trespassed into my personal apartment at Club Indigo and removed a crèche child in front of my children- I stayed silent. “Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.” 1 Thessalonians 5:15

• When you harbored this child in your home- a child whom we have loved and raised for almost two years- I stayed silent. “Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.” 2 Corinthians 13:11

• When you threw around the words “investigation” and “trafficking” at Club Indigo, causing our missionaries to be evicted and costing us thousands of dollars- I stayed silent. “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called…” 1 Peter 3:9

• When you called me a pathological liar- I stayed silent.“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.” Matthew 5:11

• When you claimed the child never had HIV and didn’t find healing through antivirals and God’s grace- I stayed silent. “Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 2:3

• When you called me unethical and dismissed and demonized the work I have given my life and heart to do- I stayed silent. “They repay me evil for the good I have done; though I have tried to do good to them, they hurl accusations at me.” Psalm 38:20

• When you and your friends sent letters to my own staff actually calling me a sociopath and comparing me to Charles Manson- I stayed silent. “Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Romans 12:17-18

• When you falsely reported me, belittled me, and called my motives and my heart into question- I stayed silent. “They repay me evil for good and leave me like one bereaved.” Psalm 35:12

But now your accusations and slander are no longer merely impacting me. If it were only my reputation and future on the line, I could still stay silent. If the only cost of your words and actions were more shame and sorrow for me, I wouldn’t say a word. But now things have changed. Now your slander and actions have impacted my adoptive parents and their adoptions, threatening the futures of precious families. I simply cannot stay silent anymore!

Today I am choosing to speak up. Please understand, I do not do this to destroy you, but to seek reconciliation. To date you have ignored my emails requesting an opportunity to talk and reconcile, so now I would like to make that request public.

I have thrown my sword on the ground and I will not be moved. My armor is on and there is an army standing alongside of me ready to defend these adoptions and these vulnerable children.“Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.” Psalm 82:3

My fellow missionary, on your blog you speak much about the challenges in Haiti, but let me make this quite clear: It is you and I that are the problem!

• Yes, Haiti is poor.
• Yes, education is needed.
• Yes, there is an orphan crisis.
• Yes, there is corruption.
• Yes, there are environmental issues and health issues and employment issues and international issues…

But the truth of the matter is that we are the problem!

No wonder so many people don’t want to set foot into church buildings. No wonder so many people don’t want to get involved in ministries. No wonder the word “missionary” often carries a bad connotation and that Christianity often has so little impact and carries so little weight.

Yes, my fellow missionary, I realize that if we did meet, we probably wouldn’t see eye to eye. Yes, we are very different.

But please remember this, we have the most important thing on earth in common. You and I serve the same God! We are brothers and sisters under the same King. “So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God…” Ephesians 2:19

Yes, you have been serving longer in Haiti than I have and yes, we are from two different generations, but why didn’t you use that wisdom and experience to reach out to me? Why didn’t you seek to discover what was really going on and meet me face to face before you passed judgment? Why didn’t you take me under your wing and seek to pour into me instead of sneaking behind my back, slandering without evidence and accusing without facts? My brother and sister, this should not be!

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.” 1 Peter 3:8

You say you seek justice, but sadly justice here in Haiti often only exists for those who have the most money and influence. I am not interested in such pseudo-justice. I seek what God has to say about justice. I seek His justice.

“The Lord works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed.” Psalm 103:6

Can you imagine how different things would be if you and I simply worked together? Can you picture the impact we could have- you helping mothers keep their children, me helping those who truly cannot?

“As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:1-3

So here is my invitation to you:

I am publicly inviting you to my personal home to get to know me and my children. I will pay for your airline tickets. I will cover every cost. Please, sit in my living room and let me offer you some tea.  Judge me by my fruit, by my life, by my children. Please, call up the hundreds of adoptive and adopting parents who do know me and would vouch for my integrity. Speak to my Haitian partners and friends. Please call up my father, my brother, my friends. Research my life and judge me based on what you find. Call up my boss and ask him why he hired me. Call my pastor, sit with him and let him tell you what he knows first hand and has witnessed.

I am asking you…please do this. Not for my sake, but for the sake of those who are watching us profess a Christian faith that promises that its chief identifier, its very hallmark, is unshakable and unconditional love among its members. Where is that love in this situation? “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

My fellow missionaries, please put down your stones. If you are willing to seek reconciliation and understanding, please contact me. We have a beautiful, albeit challenging, opportunity to demonstrate the power of Christ over conflict and of love over differences. Let’s rise up and lay aside all these petty distractions and bring our focus back to what we share- a love for and faith in the very same Prince of Peace.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:12-14