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Saturday, September 8, 2012

Top 3 Embarrassing Moments




1). Drenched in 10 year old Urine:

I can handle baby pee, but a ten year old’s -- that’s like an adult dumping a bucket of well urine on you. Yes, I had to walk around smelling like urine/pee/peepee (not sure what is socially acceptable to call it), and no, I didn't have a change of clothes. I greatly apologize to American Airlines flight 951!!! Also, to make things more adventurous, this same daughter who had "the accident" wore little plastic red Dorothy shoes that were donated to the mission. She donated her Juicy Couture boots, and ended up thinking these plastic-high heeled-sparkly shoes were better, so she switched. I normally check my darling kids before they leave the house, but somehow this daughter snuck passed her fashion police momma! So again, my apologies to American Airlines and customs who had to deal with the lady who smelled like pee traveling with a small little country, and a daughter who clicked her heels together as she left the plane drenched in pee (note: I am not a fan of the word pee so please forgive my bluntness. I just don't know a more appropriate word to call it).


2). Psycho/ Overprotective Mom Episode 7,5894:

I want to personally apologize for barging in on all the men who were trying to take care of business in the men’s bathroom at the Denver, Colorado airport. Being a single mom, I have always been hesitant to send my young boys into the mens bathroom alone without a chaperone. So yes, I have been "that mom" who takes their boys into the ladies bathroom. Recently, my son announced he could go into the restroom by himself, but I still cringe every time he goes in. I watch the clock like an overprotective, psychomomma. I may still holler in a few times just to remind him to wash his hands, and an occasional, "are you ok?" Now, what I am about to share with you, please know, I'm not exactly proud of. This will not be in some "hall of fame" of parenting techniques. This was me just having what I like to call "a Heather moment!" My son had just entered the men's restroom, and I had to go to the bathroom as well. However, I was too frightened because I wanted to monitor and make sure my son came out. I began to pace and obsess over the time and say to myself, "what is taking so long?" Next thing I know, like a raging momma bear whose cub has just gotten stolen, I storm into the men's bathroom searching for my son. It's packed with busy business traveling men doing "their thing." I flip out when I don't see my son, and started apologizing to all the men in a panic, and begin to search for him thoroughly. I think they were all so shocked I had the nerve to walk right in, that several men started helping me look for my son. My heart is racing, I'm sweating bullets, and I can feel the mommy tears filling my eyes! My son is nowhere to be found in that men's restroom! I storm out ready to go find security, when my son all of a sudden comes out of the ladies restroom with my daughter. He says gently, " I know how worried you get when I go alone into the men's bathroom so I decided to just save "some drama," and go into the ladies." I guess somewhere in the midst of my pacing like a mad woman, I didn't see him enter the ladies restroom. I apologize to all the Men in the Denver Airport for my insane overprotective behavior. ;) Guilty times 1,000.


3). My "F" in SEX- (read before judging) ;)

I was speaking at a church and my son, "Mr. Alexander" was not sitting still so I gave him my iPhone where he could play a silent game of Tetris. I know that this wasn't the best parenting, but all eyes were upon us, and I was desperate to keep my son quiet. I am not sure how to begin to write the following events that took place. I am blushing just writing this right now. However, I want to ask that you please do not stop reading this once you begin. Read it thoroughly, so there are no misunderstandings, or new rumors started (I already have a nice collection of rumors about me, and this one doesn't need to be added to that list)! Now, back to my story. Imagine you are sitting in the audience listening to my testimony of adoption, when all of a sudden a little boy who is proud he can now read hollers out very concerned, "Mom your drivers license says you have had sex!" -- "mom, it says you got an F in Sex!” How does one even recover from such a thing?? I gently walked down trying to not let the audience see me shake. My son was sitting in the front row and had been bored with Tetris so he decided to dig through my purse. He found my drivers license, and was extremely concerned when he saw SEX was written on it. I had to publicly explain to him that “SEX” means gender and the "F" was for female. Thankfully the Holy Spirit saved me, and all of a sudden I turned the entire thing into a hilarious illustration that had my audience laughing hysterically. What people didn't know was while I was closing in prayer, my thoughts were on how I wanted to get my hands on my son, and how I would need to hire someone to watch him next time I do a speaking event. Dear Grace Church, when you saw me beet red it wasn't because it was hot in the service, but because I was extremely embarrassed. When you saw me motion to my daughter and sweetly smile to her, it was really a secret family code that we have made up to watch the kid next to you. Also, when you saw me gently and ever so sweetly brush my hand on my sons arm, and take the drivers license away that was a secret family code for, "Drink a Big Glass of Self Control or yippeekayay will be happening later!" For those who do not know what yippeekayay means in our family...good.... because you are not suppose to know. ;) Happy parenting everyone!!
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                                                                   Dorothy Shoes!




My son outside the Denver, Colorado MEN's Restroom!! 

                                                                      MY "F" in sex!


                                                         Happy Parenting everyone!!!! ;)


6 comments:

  1. I am laughing hysterically over here! Hilarious!! Oh I should post some of my top 10. Bahahahahahahaha!! Heather love I am pretty sure we are cut from a very similar cloth!

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  2. Thank you for the great laughter tonight. Boy we could share some hilarious stories. Someday I will tell you of our trip to South Africa and how the Mama Bear Syndrome took me over too, for very good cause I might add. You are one of a kind and fantastically so! Hugs. Jennifer Adams

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  3. Really needed a late night laugh! Love you Heather!

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  4. I love your stories!!! I needed a laugh last night! THANK YOU!!! "Officially nuts" I LOVE IT!!! My husband and I have 8 children...... and currently in process of adopting a 14 yr old from Haiti. I don't know how many times I have said I think I am crazy!!! :) Thanks so much for sharing your stories!

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  5. Oh Heather! I can SOOO relate. And yes, I'm giggling about the "F" in sex!
    And I'm stealing your "code" for drink a huge glass of self-control.
    Also, you use the word "Yippeekayay" even better than Bruce Willis. (don't ask how I know that)

    Love to you, Sweetness. You are a light and a joy in so many lives and you make God chuckle.

    Hugs,
    Chana

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  6. SOOO fun. F in Sex is hilarious.
    The pic of Alex looks just like Nehemiah. Two peas I tell you.
    Karrington had a Yippeekayay the other day. Never too old I guess, hehe.
    Glad to hear you are doing well and laughing at life's surprises!
    Love,
    Natasha

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