My HUGE, MEGA MISHAP of the WEEK!

Dear Reader,

Have you ever had one of those days where you just wanted to press the rewind button?  Do they even have rewind buttons anymore?  Moving right along….I had one of those days yesterday.  What I wouldn’t give for a Delete button that would allow me to just wipe certain parts of the day from my mind’s hard drive permanently. My cheeks are still flushed red from the extreme embarrassment.  Being a single mom is difficult, and I don't have anyone to call when I get myself into these predicaments, so honestly my nerves are a bit shot and I remain a little stressed out even as I write this. I wish I could say what follows was exaggerated for laughs, but I assure you it's not. I hope that one day I will be able to look back and laugh at my single mom insanity.

My friend and dear sister Melissa came to visit us over the weekend. After an incredible time catching up and hanging out in Chicago, I was scheduled to take her to the airport yesterday so she could return home.

Her flight was leaving out of a city called Fort Wayne, which is located in a corn field that is still foreign land to me….Indiana. Well, my trusted navigation systems Mr. TOM TOM and my daughter’s friend Mr. Garmin didn't come through for me, and sure enough, we ended up in the middle of nowhere, and I have never seen so many dead end signs in my life.  I firmly believe that “Dead End” is Dept. Of Transportation code for “loser”.

Melissa was just rolling her eyes and laughing nervously, a dead giveaway as to exactly how deep the frustration needle was buried over the fact she was going to miss her flight and we were completely lost. 

Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, my daughter screams, "Mom, it says you have zero miles left!"  Not to our destination, but to an empty fueI tank.  I couldn't believe I had not filled up before I left. I remember telling myself I needed too, but didn't!  I was beyond frustrated, but for some reason I just couldn't stop laughing. I am well known for making mental sticky notes in my head and then not following through with them.  Or have you ever read a text message that someone sent you, and replied to it in your head, yet didn't actually text back? Well, I am famous for that.  Okay, maybe I am the only bizarre one that does this. I personally blame it on my busy single mom lifestyle instead of the color of my hair dye.  But I digress….

Now Melissa didn't find this predicament funny at all. She just started praying out loud, asking God to give us mercy and somehow rescue her from my stupidity.  I began to drive like a mad woman looking for a gas station, but just found myself going in circles.... to make a long story short here are the next crazy events that took place.

- We finally found the airport. Melissa was safely dropped off.
- The vehicle died….in the Delta Airlines Departure Zone…. and gently “tapped" a security vehicle. (OUCH!)
- I’ll never forget the officer asking “Ma’am, are all these kids yours?” If only you could’ve seen his face...priceless.
-Of course it is impossible for that many children to exit a Dodge Durango without creating a scene, not to mention walking around trying to get a taxi that would fit all of us!
-Once we found a taxi, we tried to cram all of us in the back! Which of course means another HUGE scene.  Pretty sure that was majorly illegal!  We are a two and three taxi family.
-Our taxi driver looked like he was on America’s Most Wanted. (Dear Taxi Driver, I apologize for my judgment) He told me how much he "loved kids," and how I could just leave them in the car while I went inside a gas station to purchase a gas can. YEAH RIGHT!! I "sweetly" told him... “Um, NO!!”
- So we made another scene as we piled out of the taxi car and headed into the gas station on our mission to obtain a gas can. Of course my girls are all matching wearing polka dots!  We looked like the circus had come to town!
-Once said gas can was purchased, we went to fill it up, but instead I ended up wearing most of it.
- Soooo, back into the taxi cab, with mama smelling like gas. I am holding two kids in my lap while juggling my purse and gas can. We of course made another scene because suddenly we had trouble fitting everyone back into the cab. Adding fuel to the fire, my normally well obedient children decided to pick this particular moment to start arguing with each other.  I finally just had to give them the, "I am about to go Pompeii” look, which is in every mother’s repertoire. My sweet son decided to drop a very fragrant "silent bomb" on all of us in the confines of the cab... by this time all I wanted was to be able to pinch myself and wake up from this nightmare of a day. Either that or crawl under the nearest rock. I’m not picky.
- Eventually my older kids decided to all work together and hold kids on their laps, and we were off to go fill up our vehicle and go home.
-We arrived at the airport and I paid the taxi driver (who decided to take financial advantage of me and my situation….of course you couldn’t blame him). I wasn't about to complain, I was just grateful to be back to the airport.
-So here we are piling out of the taxi cab... for the last time.  We walked over to our car, and I told the kids they had literally 10 seconds to get in the car, put their seat belts on, and keep quiet.
- I spent a good 2 minutes trying to figure out how to take the cap off of the gas can that I had put on. Ridiculous, yes, I know. Eventually I mastered the concept of righty-tighty, lefty-loosey, filled up the tank with two gallons of petro, drove to a gas station, and filled up properly.

-On the way home, we stopped at Chick-Fil-A and I let my kids order whatever they wanted... consider it a peace offering for my being so irritable! 

You may be wondering if there is a moral to this story, and there is…..several in fact…..

1). Turn down the "RIGHT" roads when traveling to unknown territory.
2). Be nice to your kids when stressed. SWEETNESS OR SILENCE!!
3). Don't throw your TOM TOM with an AUSTRALIAN accent out the window in a fit of frustration when it says REROUTING!!!
4). Put gas lid back on gas can when putting gas can back into vehicle!
5). PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!
6). When traveling for long periods of time, give your children "beano" or some kind of gas medicine.

No children, motorists, animals, luggage, automobiles, taxi drivers, gas station attendants, fast food employees, or adult siblings were harmed in the making of this post…..amazingly. And the stress points described herein have magically morphed into memories that I wouldn’t take a dollar and a quarter for.   Find the joy in the journey, especially when you feel hopelessly lost!  Happy Parenting!