Adoption Etiquette (My Personal Top 5)

Adoption Etiquette: (My Personal Top 5)

1). Biological vs Adopted

Do not refer to your child as the "adopted child."  Do not refer to your child as the "biological child." If your name is on the birth certificate or adoption decree, then just claim them as your children. Someone once had the audacity to ask me if these are my real children.  I didn't know how to respond so I just gently pinched my children real quick and said "Yep, these are my real children.”  When people in the public say ignorant things, just shake it off and make sure the heart of your child is honored over what strangers think. Unite your biological and adopted children and become one family.

2). Adoptive Mother vs Mother

Do not refer to yourself as the “adoptive mom” or the “adoptive dad”.  I had a precious friend that would always refer to herself as the adoptive mother when she would sign for things in school or fill out applications.  Being just Mom or Dad is perfectly acceptable and highly recommended. There is no need to place the adoption label on your name. 

3). Children vs Labels

If your child struggles with any kind of behavior issues, do not add that label to them.  For example, many people call their child “my RADS child”.  Try and separate the label from the child. I know it’s hard, but your child isn't the behavior. Your child may suffer from Reactive Attachment Disorder and may be diagnosed as RADS, however please try to refer to them as the healed, whole, redeemed, and precious child that they are. Separate them from the label.  If you know someone that struggles with a porn addiction, you wouldn't refer to the person as Porn Bill, right? Give your child the room they need to heal.

4). Public vs Private

One day your child will be an adult and they won't want to Google themselves to find that their parents talked openly about their behaviors, personal details about their adoption, etc.  Make sure to leave your child an appropriate legacy.  Don't be venting about your child using their names on your blogs and social media sites.  Respect their privacy.  If you are like me, and use your personal struggles to help others, make sure that you do not attach your child’s name to your stories. Also, don't post anything that your child wouldn't approve one day.  I have many stories about my kids that I will take to the grave with me. I have had many ask me to share all my specific adoption stories through blogs, but this is something I will not do out of simple respect for my children. I may make reference to them from time to time, but no one will ever know what child belongs to what reference or story. 

5). Announcing Your Adoption vs Surprise Adoption

I have always had a rule that I wouldn't post any pictures of my adopted child until after a year or two of the finalization of their adoption.  I am known for not announcing my adoptions until years later. I would encourage you to not post pictures of your child when you are in the adoption process. Many adoptions fail, and there is so many things that could go wrong in any adoption process.  I have so many friends who set up adoption fundraiser sites and blog all the time about their adoption journey, but I would encourage you to limit the pictures until the child is actually in your custody.  Adoption is already an emotional roller coaster; I would not recommend taking all your friends and family on the ride with you. It will only cause more questions, expectations, and drama.