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Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Least of These (Why I Started Adopting)

The Least Of These
(Why I Started Adopting)

I had never planned on adopting. I had never really even heard that much about adopting growing up.  My family never spoke about adoption and there was no one in my family who had ventured down the adoption path.  I was a preacher/missionary kid, had visited many different countries with my father as he did church planting overseas, and knew there were orphanages and orphans, but for some reason I never fully grasped the fact that there were so many children in need.  Back then, adoption seemed unnatural, taking in children that were not your own flesh and blood. In fact, by the time I was in my late teens, I was burned out on children.  I had been the neighborhood babysitter starting when I was 12 years old, and got my first job working in a daycare just up the road from our home.  By the time I was 15 and was a senior in high school, I was convinced I didn’t want children of my own.  My mother and twin brother always told me that I should pray at night for God to bring me seven kids...I vaguely remember this, but they were all too ready to remind me of it when I was 26 and adopting my seventh child. 

I will never forget the day someone dropped off four kids at my dad’s church.  I saw several families pick the children apart, trying to decide who will go with which family.  One family wanted to take the youngest who was a baby, and another family who had some dream of adopting dark skinned children wanted to take the two middle children. But the oldest was left without a home. No one wanted the oldest child. To this day that sibling group of four got separated and adopted by two separate families, and no one stood up for the oldest child and chose to adopt her.  I remember I was only 19 at the time and there was no way I was able to myself.  Oh, I definitely tried to adopt her, and she lived with me for a while, but I had every door slammed in my face due to my age and the fact that some of the church families refused to advocate for me. I was only 19 when I agreed to adopt this 10 year old and that was the day I was marked crazy.  There was a church meeting, I had shown up early and could hear them all whispering and basically doubting me.  I got so mad thinking, “well, if I’m not qualified, then why are you not adopting her!?” One of the families refused to take her because they said she acted like she was the mommy to her youngest sibling.  I wanted to vomit.  Of course she acted like the mommy; most likely she had to take over that role to her younger siblings.  I still weep at the fact I witnessed church families all picking and choosing what kids they would take...kind of like the old song about “which doggy in the window?”.  I wish someone would have stood up and said, NO, let’s find a family who is willing to take in all FOUR KIDS. I wish the leadership of the church would have gotten involved and tried to keep the four children together, or better yet, restore them with their birth mother.  I was also bothered that no one tried to see if there were any blood relatives that could take the children in.  To this day the oldest has been tossed around and I wish I could tell you that this story had a happy ending, but it doesn’t.  It’s actually quite tragic.  That 10 year old girl is the one that birthed such a deep passion inside of my heart for the vulnerable children and the corruption happening in the adoption world.  I witnessed the injustice that took place in her life, and I was moved to action. I still can’t quite wrap my brain around how those Christian families who adopted her siblings refused to adopt her.

I also thought to myself, where is the birth mother?  We are a church! Why is the church not rallying around her?  Why do these four children need to be adopted anyway? Why can’t we fight for the birth mother to keep these kids? Let's figure out a way to help the mom get her life back on track, and let's spend our money and resources to make sure that she gets a chance to watch her children grow up. 

Because of this 10 year old girl, I then heard about such a thing called foster care.  I was shocked that there were actually waiting children in America.  I had lived in such a small Christian bubble that I had no clue about the fact that there was a government shelter filled with children just a few miles down the road from where I lived.  I contacted the State of Oklahoma, asking them if I could foster.  They told me I was too young and to come back when I was married and out of college.  You can read about my fostering journey in a blog called, Confessions of a Former Foster Parent.

I still weep at the injustice that took place in my father's church years ago and pray that we can somehow learn and make sure these kinds of injustices don't continue to happen. 

For these reasons, among others, a passion was birthed inside of me and this is why I chose to adopt sibling groups, champion around birth parents, and adopt older children like that little 10 year old girl, that precious soul that no one in God’s house could be bothered to take care of.

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.' – Matthew 25:40

1 comment:

  1. How do you do this? This is nothing but lies. You know this is not a true description of those events. And to see all the lies you have told over the years...makes me sick. I know that God will deal with you for all the pain you have caused and harm you have done. I should have pursued criminal charges against you back then.

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